Wednesday, April 27, 2005


Have you ever wondered "what if?" . What if I hadn't moved to another city? What if I hadn't sent that email? What if I said "No" rather than "Yes"? Almost everyone indulges in this game, we're speculative beasts by nature.

One of the things I like about music is that the "what if" game is played out on such a small scale. This is especially true in improvised music, but there are still plenty of places in composed stuff where you have to make choices. I love the way you get to try again in music. All it takes is "Hey, guys. My solo sucked, could we do that again?" and you get a do-over. Well, in rehersal anyway, gigs are another matter.

I wish life had that facility, the equivalent of band rehersal. A way of experimenting without reprecussions. Not that I'm dissatisfied with my life, I've got it pretty good. But I'm intensly curious and the "what-if's" drive me crazy.

Maybe my desire to make music stems from this? Maybe I need a microcosim where I get to safely explore possibilites? Maybe I'm a real-world coward. Hmmph, or maybe I'm just not getting enough sleep.

Thursday, April 14, 2005

Still down*... so many ways, but at least the home computer is working again. (He says, blogging at work)

So how do you stay motivated?** I haven't cared enough to work on anything in the last little while. Blogs, guitar, personal hygiene, it all seems so pointless. Never mind all the good reasons I've given for doing music, I'm in a slump and can't find my motivation.

*Another mild bout of depression, nothing new, nothing interesting, nothing even to be concerned about, just have to ride it out. Thank God for bad tv and good books: self medication at it's finest.

**This isn't intended to be a rhetorical question even though my recent absence from these here internets does kinda make it rhetorical. Maybe some mis-spelling living-fossil fish lovin' researcher will have the answer. ya?