Have you ever wondered "what if?" . What if I hadn't moved to another city? What if I hadn't sent that email? What if I said "No" rather than "Yes"? Almost everyone indulges in this game, we're speculative beasts by nature.
One of the things I like about music is that the "what if" game is played out on such a small scale. This is especially true in improvised music, but there are still plenty of places in composed stuff where you have to make choices. I love the way you get to try again in music. All it takes is "Hey, guys. My solo sucked, could we do that again?" and you get a do-over. Well, in rehersal anyway, gigs are another matter.
I wish life had that facility, the equivalent of band rehersal. A way of experimenting without reprecussions. Not that I'm dissatisfied with my life, I've got it pretty good. But I'm intensly curious and the "what-if's" drive me crazy.
Maybe my desire to make music stems from this? Maybe I need a microcosim where I get to safely explore possibilites? Maybe I'm a real-world coward. Hmmph, or maybe I'm just not getting enough sleep.